


Under the Cover of Darkness

by EquusGirl0621



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drug Withdrawal, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I think this is what one calls angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mild Language, No Actual Drug Use Though, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Raphabelle, Rizzy, Sleepy Cuddles, WIP, happy-ish ending?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-02 00:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10204547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl0621
Summary: Set several days after Season 2-Episode 10, Isabelle has gone through the worst of the physical withdraw symptoms, but she's still struggling with the psychological symptoms. She isn't quite sure why she seeks out Raphael but nevertheless, she finds herself outside the Hotel DuMort.





	1. Underneath Dark Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Rizzy fic and I apologize if it seems out of character; I'm still learning these two and trying to get inside their heads. This is unbeta’ed but I did my best to edit it. I would love to hear your thoughts, whatever they may be :)

“Hey boss, that one Shadowhunter is hanging around outside.” The vampire scurried away before Raphael could even sigh. He knew exactly which Shadowhunter was outside. 

Raphael caught her pacing the sidewalk as he opened the door, the differences from her normal appearance registering immediately. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun, flats instead of five inch heels, a bare minimum of makeup, as though the effort to dress like her normal self took too much of a toll. Isabelle stuttered to a halt, her coordination still a bit off. 

“Why are you here?” he asked, not bothering with pretense. Remaining in the doorway, he neither crossed the threshold outside nor invited her in. Isabelle’s eyebrows knit together as her mouth set in a hard line, apprehension filling her beautiful features. He tried not to notice the dark circles under her eyes or the glossy sheen of sweat on her forehead or the broken look in her glassy eyes. She pulled her jacket around herself, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, shoulders hunching. Keeping his face carefully neutral, he pushed away the ache in his chest as he took her in. 

“I needed someone to talk to.” She glanced down at her feet before looking up at him, several feelings warring in her expression. Anxiety, pain, anger, frustration, resignation.

“What happened to not wanting anything from me ever again?” Raphael crossed his arms, careful to not let his face betray the feelings warring in his own mind. Anger burned in his veins, both at her for how she treated him and at himself for even caring. But he also couldn’t push away the distress and the guilt, and the overwhelming urge to protect her; all of it swirling in his head, clouding his thought process. This is exactly why he kept his distance and didn’t bother with relationships, everything always got so messy and complicated.  
Hurt flashed across her face before hardening into an impenetrable neutrality, void of all emotions. “I’d like to hear you out.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit late for that? You just disregarded my reasons without even listening,” he said, hating how his emotions were starting to seep through the cracks she had made in his carefully constructed walls. He hadn’t noticed just how much she had broken down and how little he had been able to erect again after her dismissal. The vulnerability was foreign and confusing and he hated it. 

“You tried to keep me separated from my family when they needed me! How else would you expect me to react?” Confusion and anger swirled in her eyes.

“I was trying to protect you,” he snapped, his distress seeping through the tenuous hold he had over his emotions. “And after all that we had been through, don’t you think I at least deserved to be heard out? _You were in withdrawal_ , hardly in any shape to fight against the Circle.”

Indignation flashed in her eyes as she interrupted him. “Yet I was able to take down four of them on my own. Clearly I don’t need your _protection_ ,” she sneered. “You told me I’m one of the strongest Shadowhunters that you know. What the hell happened to that?”

“And how much of a toll did that take? Your heart was under considerable strain and your nervous system was zapped. What would have happened if your aim had been off? An error in your calculations could have been fatal. _Dios mio_ , Isabelle, you could have had a _heart attack_ ,” he said, his voice cracking as his emotions finally clawed up his throat and came flooding out. He watched as her expression morphed from anger to confusion before finally brightening with realization. Suddenly he felt bare under her gaze, fully aware of just how much he had revealed. 

“You feel guilty,” she said quietly, her eyes searching every inch of his expression; a sick feeling gnawed at his stomach.

“Of course I feel _guil_ ty. I told you - “ Raphael rounded on the vampire from before as he approached from behind. He took a steadying breath and reined in his emotions before addressing his subordinate. “Yes?”

The vampire eyed Isabelle curiously before answering. “There’s a uh,” his eyes flicked to Izzy apprehensively then back to Raphael, “...situation that could use your attention.” Raphael sighed heavily and nodded before returning to Izzy.

“Look, I have to go take care of this but if you want to continue this conversation, you're more than welcome to wait in my apartment. This shouldn’t take long.” As Izzy bit her lip and looked on the brink of declining, Raphael pushed away the unease that settled heavy in his stomach, worried that she’d just walk away again. 

But in the end, she nodded, and he stepped aside, relief flooding his system and tension he hadn’t even registered leaching out of muscles. He handed her the keys as she passed him, the scent of her perfume and shampoo causing a flurry of images to flash in his mind. Taking one last look at her retreating figure, he turned and followed the vampire.


	2. Confessions in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabelle and Raphael try to work things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after two weeks, I finally have the second chapter to my liking. A huge thank you to outlawsandcircles for reading through this for me and assuaging my fears.

He finds Isabelle leaning against the kitchen counter with her head in her hands, a near empty glass of water in front of her. Not taking his eyes off her, he leans against the pillar and puts his hands in his pockets. Waiting.  Slowly, she lifted her head. He took note of her slightly unfocused eyes and hands splayed on the counter top to steady herself. Pushing herself up, she stood straight and crossed her arms, fixing him with a hard stare. 

“Why did you try to kill Clary?” Not exactly the conversation he had been expecting, but one he wasn’t afraid of either. He met her gaze and held it, refusing to seem apologetic or ashamed.

“It was my last resort to protect the Downworld. As clan leader, it’s my duty to protect my people by any means necessary. I didn’t want to kill her, but I felt like it was my only option.” He spread his hands in front of him, unrepentant of his actions. Indignation sparked her features.

“That’s  _ mur _ der, Raphael.” He shrugged in response to the steely gaze and disapproving frown on her face.

“It was a judgement call. Surely duty and responsibility are things you can understand.” She considered him for a moment, formulating her response.  

“What if it had been me? What if I had been the one with the power to activate the sword?” Pain flared in his chest as he refused to consider the possibility; the thought of even entertaining the possibility making him uncomfortable. He shifted his weight, considering the best way to respond.  

“You don’t,” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I didn’t even want it to come to that but I believed I was acting in the best interests of my clan and the entire Downworld. Other Downworlders were coming for her and at least at my hand, it would have been quick and painless. She wouldn’t have felt a thing.”

“You’re not answering my question. What if it had been  _ me _ , Raphael?”

“But you don’t have the ability. It wasn’t you,” he said firmly. This was not something he wanted to consider. 

“I don’t  _ fucking  _ care!” She punctuated her words by slamming her fist on the counter. “Would you have been so quick to condemn me to death? Because the way I see it, there isn’t much difference.” Fire burned in her eyes, causing a flush to rise in her cheeks. Frustration and anger seared through his veins as she forced the subject. 

He crossed the distance to the counter in a few strides, slamming his hands down on the granite surface. “ _ I don’t know, _ Isabelle!” Once again, she tore down his walls and before he knew it, words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could even process them. “I  _ do  _ know that I care for you. I  _ do  _ know that I haven’t cared about someone this much in decades. I do know that it would be  _ excruciating  _ to lose you, Isabelle.” And just like that, he was laid bare. Stripped of every wall and barrier he had ever built. The armor that he encased himself in, just ripped away. Her expression softened, the fire in her eyes dimming as she took him in. 

“Is that why you hid my phone?” she asked, her tone gentler.

“Yes. I wanted to protect you. I care about your well-being and I know that when it comes to others’, you care too little about your own.”

“But I was fine.” She crossed her arms, and raised her chin imperiously as her expression lost whatever warmth his previous words had kindled.

“Were you?” Pushing away from the counter, he slowly walked around to the other side. “Did you not collapse after killing four Circle members?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow at her. Raphael took some satisfaction in watching her eyes widen, confusion neutralizing her expression. “Yeah, I know about that.”

Recovering from the surprise, she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head to the side. “So  _ that’s  _ why you feel guilty.”

“I felt guilty the moment I read your phone, Isabelle. Because it had suddenly become glaringly obvious that I had put you in a position where you were unable to fulfill your duty. Because I knew that you were in no condition to fight; that it would be physically painful for you to do so. But those things wouldn’t mean  _ anything  _ to you because family and duty come first. So, I hid your phone; I lied to you.” The guilt had only been intensified after seeing her at the Institute. The fact that she hadn’t been injured or killed had done little to assuage his self-loathing. 

She narrowed her eyes as she studied his expression, tilting her head to the side. “But you had to know I’d find out eventually; that I’d be upset.”

“I did. But I didn’t care how angry or upset you’d be,” he said with a shake of his head. “I just wanted you to be safe.”

“I saved Alec. What if I hadn’t been there?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care so long as you’re alive.”

She shook her head, her face unreadable as she spoke. “Those words shouldn’t make me feel like I do.” 

He took a tentative step towards her as he spoke. “Let someone worry about  _ you  _ for once,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he took another step towards her. “Make  _ you  _ a priority.” He stopped just short of their bodies touching, her radiant heat permeating his clothes and warming his skin. Without her heels, he felt as though he towered over her. Still, she met his eyes with an unwavering stare in such a way that it eliminated any advantage he might have gotten from the height difference. Isabelle Lightwood did not need high heels to command power. Her presence was all she needed and she knew it.

He took a deep breath, allowing her perfume and shampoo to overpower his sense of smell. The same flash of memories from before flooded his mind. The weight of her body as he cradled her in his arms in a dingy alley. The light brushing of her lips on his cheek and the feel of her hand, warm in his. The fleeting pressure as she casually brushed against him while trying to cook. The weight of her head on his chest and the silkiness of her hair under his fingertips. 

“Let... _ me _ ...love you,” he said, his voice low and husky as he cupped her cheek. She met his gaze with a neutral expression only betrayed by the rapid beat of her heart.

“This isn’t love, Raphael.”

“Then what is it, Isabelle?”

“It’s Shadowhunter blood and vampire venom.”

“I’ve been without your blood just as long you’ve been without my venom. My feelings have only intensified, what about yours?” He lowered his face until it was mere inches from hers, not breaking eye contact.

“They’re irrelevant, they’re just side effects of withdrawal.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, resting his forehead against hers with a sigh. “ _ Dios maldita sea _ , Isabelle. Just let yourself  _ feel.  _ Stop pushing your feelings away.”

For a moment she didn’t respond. The only sound was her heavy breathing and the pounding of her heart. She stepped away from him, pushing against his chest gently but firmly. “I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know  _ how  _ I should feel about anything.” She took a deep breath and looked away, clenching her shaking hand into a fist as she steadied herself against the counter once more. 

“How bad are the symptoms?” Her mouth thinned into a hard line. 

“Every joint in my body aches. The last time I tried to sleep, I hallucinated demons crawling around my room. I can’t shake the feeling that everyone at the Institute is staring and judging.” She paused, taking a shaky breath before continuing. “But the worst is feeling like it’ll never get better. That I’ll never stop wanting the drug.”

“It will get easier, Isabelle. You really are one of the strongest Shadowhunters I know.” 

“I don’t feel strong.” She finally looked back at him, tears swimming in her eyes. “I’m so tired, Raphael.” Something snapped in his chest at her words; guilt and sorrow crashing into him in waves. He hadn’t felt this much self-hatred and helplessness since he’d been Turned. Pushing all that away for now, he held out his hand to her. For now, he wanted nothing more than for her to be okay.

“Come here.” Isabelle took his offered hand and he lead her out of the kitchen and down a hall. “I know you didn’t mean it quite so literally but...” His words trailed off as he opened the door to his bedroom and lead her inside. He switched on the bedside lamp and turned down the covers.

A small smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, warmth kindling in her eyes. She kicked off her shoes and shed her jacket before climbing into the bed. Once settled, he pulled the covers up to her chin and placed a kiss on her forehead. He turned the lamp off before turning to leave.

“Stay. Please,” she said just as he was about to step through the door. Raphael paused, not turning around; refusing to turn around. 

“Isabelle -” She cut him off, her heart beating faster as she did. 

“Please. I...want you with me,” she said, swallowing audibly. He could hear tension and uncertainty in her tone but there was also an edge of determination as she continued. “I’ve missed you in ways that the addiction couldn’t account for. Ever since I left you at the Institute, there’s been this ache in my chest...like a part of me was missing. And it didn’t stop until you made it clear that you cared about me. Stay with me.” The hammering of her heart swelled around him as he wavered over the threshold. “Please.” He was amazed at how much feeling she was able to pack into one whispered plea.

Sighing heavily, he took a step back and closed the door. She blew out an unsteady breath.  If he were being honest, he hadn’t felt the same since she had left either. A constant ache he hadn’t realized the full extent of until her presence had eased it. He unbuckled his belt and pulled it off before sitting down on the edge of the bed and working his shoes off. She remained silent as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt before pulling the tails from his waistband and depositing it on the floor. 

Isabelle scooted closer as he pulled back the covers and slid into bed. She pressed against his side as he raised his arm, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. Her hand fisted in his undershirt as she tried to keep it from shaking. Reaching up to stroke her hair, he found it still bound in a bun. 

“May I?” A nod was her only response before he gently undid her hair tie and slid it over his wrist. She hummed in contentment as he ran his fingers through her hair, taking care not to pull on any knots. He loosened her grip on his undershirt, using his own to press her hand flat against his chest. “Sleep, Isabelle. I won’t let your demons get you.” She burrowed closer into his side, sliding a leg over his. 

He relished this moment, wanting to freeze time and live in it forever; the feeling of her chest expanding and contracting, hearing her heartbeat slow as she began to relax, the way her hair felt sliding through his fingers. Drowning in the familiar scent of her perfume that perfectly complimented the chemistry of her blood, forming the intoxicating scent that uniquely Isabelle. But there were things that he couldn’t ignore; ones that only fueled his self-loathing. Like how the heat radiating from her body felt like fire, the thin and sticky layer of sweat covering her skin, or the tremors in her hand. All reminders of the countless other invisible symptoms she must be suffering as a result of his weakness. 

But despite everything, he still craved her blood and that’s perhaps what he hated the most. Knowing that if she asked, he wouldn’t want to say no. But he would say no; he firmly believed that. He had to believe it. 

He lost all sense of time as he pushed away the intrusive thoughts and focused on his senses; letting himself be enveloped by her presence. Finally, her hand stopped trembling as she presumably fell asleep.

“I felt it too, that ache. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make it go away; I couldn’t push it away, I couldn’t ignore it or bury it.” He paused, considering his words as recalled how he had held onto to that image of her at Institute. The elation on her face as she found him unharmed. “It became a constant part of my existence. But being here, feeling the warmth of your skin and hearing the beat of your heart...being so completely surrounded by you; I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be a third chapter, I don't know yet. Though I have some ideas for a prequel to this fic? Would that be something you all are interested in? Like exploring the events leading up to this fic? Let me know :) Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any thoughts, comments, or notes you may have would be greatly appreciated :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Pride and Loss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10415220) by [Matilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilly/pseuds/Matilly)




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